Breaking Generational Cycles As An Immigrant Child – Allison Ly

In this episode of the BossMom podcast, Dana Malstaff chats with Allison Ly, founder of Unshaken Gens™, about how second-generation adults can navigate family expectations, set boundaries, and live in alignment with their own values without compromising their relationships. Together, they explore how breaking generational cycles can empower you to create the life you truly want.

Children of immigrant parents often face unique challenges. From a young age, many feel the pressure to honor their parents’ sacrifices, which can lead to overwhelming feelings of responsibility. While this intention comes from a place of love, it can leave second-generation adults questioning if they’re living the life they truly want—or the one their parents expect.

 

The Weight of Expectations

For many second-generation adults, their parents’ sacrifices are a constant reminder of the opportunities they now have. While this can inspire gratitude and ambition, it can also lead to:

• Feeling like you owe your parents something.
• Putting others’ needs ahead of your own.
• Struggling to define your own path.

Breaking generational cycles starts with recognizing these patterns and exploring whether the life you’re living is driven by your own desires or by external expectations.

Ask yourself:

• Am I making choices that align with my values?
• How much of what I’m doing is based on my parents’ hopes versus my own dreams?

Recognizing and Managing the Pressure of Expectations

Second-generation immigrants often face a unique dynamic: the desire to honor their parents’ hard work while also pursuing their own goals. But when does this pressure cross the line into stress or overwhelm?

Here are some steps to help you identify and manage expectations:

1. Acknowledge the Pressure: Recognize when you’re making decisions based on guilt or obligation.
2. Evaluate Your Values: Write down what’s important to you and compare it to what you feel is expected of you.
3. Have Open Conversations: Sometimes, parents’ expectations may not be as rigid as you think.

Breaking generational cycles doesn’t mean abandoning your family’s values—it means finding a way to balance their traditions with your individuality.

The Power of Boundaries in Building Healthier Relationships

Setting boundaries can feel like a foreign concept, especially if you’ve grown up in a family culture where saying “no” feels disrespectful. However, boundaries aren’t about creating distance—they’re about fostering healthier, more balanced relationships.

Breaking generational cycles often involves redefining what healthy relationships look like and creating boundaries that allow you to care for both yourself and your loved ones.

Allison Ly suggests these simple steps for setting boundaries:

• Start Small: Begin by communicating one specific need, such as needing uninterrupted time to focus on your work.
• Be Consistent: Boundaries require repetition and reinforcement to be effective.
• Reframe Your Thinking: Boundaries are an act of love, not rejection. They allow you to show up as your best self for your family.

Example: Instead of saying, “I can’t help you,” try saying, “I’d love to help, but I need to finish this first. Can we plan for another time?”

Shifting Your Mindset to Break Old Cycles

One of the most challenging parts of balancing family expectations with personal goals is shifting from a caretaker mindset to one that prioritizes your well-being. Breaking generational cycles doesn’t mean rejecting your responsibilities—it means transforming how you approach them.

Allison Ly shares these strategies for shifting your mindset:

1. Embrace Self-Compassion: Give yourself grace as you navigate this balance.
2. Focus on Your “Why”: Remind yourself that living authentically benefits not only you but also your family.
3. Lead by Example: Show your loved ones that it’s possible to pursue your dreams while maintaining respect and care for others.

Take the First Step Toward Breaking Generational Cycles

Feeling torn between honoring your family and pursuing your own dreams can be exhausting, but you don’t have to carry the weight alone. Start by taking small, actionable steps:

1. Write down one goal that reflects your dreams.
2. Identify one boundary you can set this week to protect your time or energy.
3. Have an open conversation with a family member about how you’re feeling.

The BossMom Takeaway

You don’t have to choose between your dreams and your family’s expectations. By understanding your values, setting boundaries, and shifting your mindset, you can create a life that feels true to who you are while honoring the people you love.

Breaking generational cycles is about more than just living authentically—it’s about creating a new legacy of balance, respect, and individuality for future generations.

As Allison Ly shares, this balance takes effort, but it’s worth it to live a life that aligns with your vision. Start small, take action, and give yourself permission to prioritize your happiness.

Ready to take the next step? Explore Allison Ly’s resources and learn how to create healthier relationships with your family and yourself.

Guest Bio

Allison Ly, founder of Unshaken Gens™, empowers 2nd Generation Adults to honorably care for their loved ones without sacrificing their own needs and dreams. Her Unshaken Confidence™ coaching program builds on her 6 years+ as a licensed therapist and personal journey as a daughter of immigrant parents.

 

Follow Allison on:

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/heyallisonly/

Coaching Website: https://www.heyallisonly.com/

Therapy Website: https://www.allisonlytherapy.com/

 

Learn the 3 Statements to Help You Start To Fall Back In Love With Your Family at heyallisonly.myflodesk.com/start